The Wizard of Malls

I try to avoid the mall. I don't go to the mall because I'm poor. Well, not super poor, but I'm not a disposable income kinda human at this point. I have a lot of what's called "consumer debt".... which basically means the pizza I ordered 5 years ago when I was broke and hungover cost me $200.00 on my credit card. Take that and multiply it by a thousand and you might have an idea about my current financial profile. I shop at The Dollar General. The last thing I googled was "free car giveaway contests"...Surprisingly I didn't find much and I think I gave my work computer a virus. I guess only Oprah gives away free cars and her damn show isn't on air anymore. Oprah, if you're reading this, can you please help me? I saw an episode where you took away all this woman's debt for her? That or a free car would do wonders for me! Thanks. I digress...... But I'm going to the Mall today with a friend. I'm excited because it feels like years since I've been in a mall. How do I act? Do they still have Auntie Anne's Pretzels? I heard someone say they offer valet parking now. That's a service that I can do without----mainly because they don't take credit cards. Oh man I wonder if they still have all those dumb kiosks in the middle? I recall this one time this guy got me for every dollar in my wallet---LITERALLY. I adamantly declined his lovely hand scrub (infused with pure gold, no doubt) but once he got his grubby little hands on mine and dipped them in the warm water and starting rubbing I was sold. I had to have that shit! Ok, so I need to stay out of the middle and walk really fast past those guys. What else? Do I have all my credit cards? Discover? Check! Bank of America? Check! Fuck yeah, let's go to the Mall! Shoes and purses and makeup, oh my! We're not in Big Lots anymore, Toto!

Check out my contribution to The Guardian for Nashville's top 10 shops and top 10 things to do on the East side. 

Guardian Guide to Nashville

A Story from Story, Arkansas

"Yeah it only takes about 5 hours to get there". That’s what everyone I talked to said.

We arrived at the ‘Harbor Something?’ 8 hours after leaving Nashville. Granted, we hit traffic. And someone had to stop and pee a lot (I swear it was NOT me). But much to our delight our cabin (aka condo made of wood) was well-equipped to handle all three colorful personalities in our camp. We had everything we needed to eat and drink which is what we are always mainly focused on doing.

But this trip was also about digging for crystals. Arkansas has the largest reserve of quartz next to Brazil (Brazil being number 1). Lake Ouachita (WAH-SHEE-TAW), the lake our place was near (I would say ON but we had a view of the tennis court) features one of the biggest crystal veins in the world. There is also a very rare jellyfish frolicking in those waters but we’ll save that research for a warmer trip. The Corp of Engineers made this lake for it’s hydro-electric power, water source, and wildlife conservation…..but another reason is the preserve the crystal underneath it. There are many uses for quartz and as we are rapidly depleting our natural resources, it’s no wonder the government wants to protect this “gem”. We use quartz in everything from watches, microphones, radios, and computers. And some people just think it’s pretty….which is why we were there.

After a lengthy search online for the best mines to dig, we found Gee and Dee’s. An old ma and pa shop where you can pay to dig your own crystals. We got up Saturday morning and had Brannon call to let them know we were heading their way soon. After about a 15 minute phone conversation Brannon hung up and said Dee told him that the mine was shut down but we could dig in their front yard. We were a bit confused but knew somehow we would get back in that mine and dig!

Again, we under estimated our travel time… but only by 12 miles this instance so we were ok. We arrived at Gee and Dee’s greeted by two sweet dogs and Dee herself. She called me Antarctica although I was certain she was talking to Renae, my friend who was sporting a faux polar bear vest ensemble (perfect for mine digging—;)) I digress…The yard was beautiful. It was like Superman’s crystal cave threw up on a yard in Story, Arkansas. But we also wanted answers. Why can’t we dig? Dee explained that back in late June of 2010 there was a flash flood that came through around 5:30am and killed at least 20 people (6 of them children) while they were camping in the Ouachiata State Park. Noted as the Albert Pike Flood, it caught national headlines and President Obama even offered federal help. The national attention shed light on the mines there as well. They came in and implemented new codes and laws for the miners making it impossible for the “working man’s miner” to adapt and conform. They don’t have the monetary resources to make huge scale changes to abide by the new regulations and stay open. Dee was even caught digging on her own land and fined. We weren’t getting back there and neither were the owners of the mine. With heavy hearts we combed through their yard collections grabbing anything that even slightly interested us. We learned from Gee about the nature of the rocks and how they form, about the history of their mine and what the future holds for them. “I will have to sell my mine to the government. That’s all I can do”. I felt a true sense of what this man was going through. Having mined for 54 years that’s all he knows to do. He said that crystals were more addictive than cigarettes (they both smoked a pack each while we were there). He has a true passion for mining you can tell by his hands. I knew when I saw the huge heart-shaped crystal he pulled and carved for Dee, that this was a gentle man in love with his life and his rocks. I felt an overwhelming amount of empathy watching his livelihood robbed of him in his twilight years and for a good while that day that is all I could think about. I digress, again.

The visit ended with Gee showing us his private collection in the back shed. We bought some sacred pieces there and learned that Gee was a bluegrass musician. He gave us two cd’s of The Ouachita Mountain Boys. And let me tell you… it was good! They were having a jam session at 5 at the Blue Bell (a small cafe in the middle of nowhere). We sorta/kinda promised to be there and we did show up but just too early. Our brains and hearts and bones were worn out. We returned to our cabin/condo on Lake Ouachita, sat in the floor staring at our crystals speechless for about an hour, and then it was time to eat and drink again. 

VIEQUES, PUERTO RICO 

Vieques in Puerto Rico is one of the most beautiful islands in the Caribbean. Frequented by tourists from all over the world, Vieques is known for its amazing beaches, wild horses, and Spanish culture.

But like almost everything beautiful, it also carries a dark past. The island was used by the U.S. Navy as a bombing range and testing ground for many years. Military presence was there for approximately 60 years. It was highly protested after a Marine Corps F-18 dropped two 500-pound bombs on a security post killing a local resident and injuring four others. Presidents Clinton and the latter Bush were active in removing military presence from the island. And by 2003, the troops were gone. The Eastern end of the island is now a national wildlife refuge and closed to locals as well as visitors.

The Beaches in Vieques are nothing short of spectacular. La Playa Negra is the infamous black sand beach whose sand is said to be magnetic, literally. Many of the other beaches can only be reached by traveling on muddy swamp-like gravel paths with wild horses (among other unidentified wild creatures) until the forest opens up into paradise. 4-wheel drive is a necessity.

The most noted attraction to Vieques is the bioluminescent bay. At night, the bay lights up with tiny microorganisms that glow (when disturbed) in the water. Every movement in the water creates a frenzy of energy that lights up the night. Each flash from the microorganisms lasts about 1/10 of a second but with all of them lighting up together it puts off a bright electric blue in the water. Mosquito Bay, as it is also referred to, is known as the brightest bay in the world. Motions to protect the bay have been in order by the Vieques Historic and Conservation Trust as garbage and other pollution threaten to destroy the natural habitat of the bay.

It is said that when the Spanish first arrived to the island and discovered the unexplainable light in the water they believed it was the work of the devil so they attempted to choke off the bioluminescence by dropping boulders in the channel leading to the ocean. This concentrated them in the Mosquito Bay making them glow brighter. The only other bay like this in the world is found in Vietnam.

Being in Vieques you get the true human experience — mesmerizing beauty, along with a wildness and energy that things were not always this good here. It’s caught between undeveloped and developed but no one would dare force this island into something it’s not. The history cannot be re-written nor does it want to be. Some native islanders are always looking for a way off of the island while visitors are still trying to get here every year.

GAP

I had the opportunity to shoot for The GAP when my friend Lauren Zwanzinger was asked to style a lovely cream sweater for their blog. Lauren is the brilliant stylist behind The Transatlantic Blog but many know her from her amazing Pinterest following. I can't wait to watch her travel the world in style. See the beautiful sweater and photos here Cozy in Cream

 THE RHINESTONE REMBRANDT - NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE

He’s been dubbed “The Rhinestone Rembrandt” but Manuel Cuevas goes by just Manuel. His work spans the course of over five decades and with clients like The Beatles, Elton John, Little Richard and Jack White, it’s no wonder Manuel has landed a spot as one of music makers’ top custom designers. He single-handedly designed Elvis’s famous gold lame suit. He made Johnny Cash the Man in Black. He is the mastermind behind the Grateful Dead’s roses and skeletons insignia, as well as the notorious inflated lips logo of the Rolling Stones. In his shop, a personalized letter from President Ronald Reagan hangs inconspicuously in a corner where Mr. Reagan expresses his sincere appreciation for Manual’s craftsmanship.Over dinner with Manuel, I heard about his relationship with Marlon Brando, Frida, and Pablo Picasso, to name a few.

Manuel became passionate about his craft of sewing in 1945 and worked for several tailors in Los Angeles before becoming head designer and tailor for the infamous Nudie (who later became his father-in-law). With a new storefront in the heart of downtown Nashville, Manuel is bringing his ready-to-wear line to the masses. Be sure to stop in for a chance to see his flashy rhinestone suits and perhaps even meet the Legend himself.

"Record companies call me to help fabricate personalities for their artists…I do for artists what they need, not what they think they need.” — Manuel

Guide note: Manuel American Designs can be found at 800 Broadway, Nashville, TN 37203. Tel:615-321-5444

TOMATO ART FEST - NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE

If you’ve ever had the urge to decorate yourself up like a giant tomato and parade around town for hours, then consider attending the yearly Tomato Art Fest in East Nashville. Started ten years ago by local artist Meg McFadden, this festival grows larger every year. Last year, there were estimates of some 35,000 people in attendance. Vendors set up local art (a lot of it tomato themed) and people roam the blocked off streets of East Nashville’s Five Points area for hours. It’s a pretty big deal—even featured in Oxford American and Southern Living. With events like the Tomato 5K, Bloody Mary contest and the ice cream trough, there’s something for everyone—even the wet burrito contest where contestants race to finish a delicious burrito from Nuvo Burrito while being hosed down with water.

Whatever your fancy, prepare to get hot (it’s August in Nashville, after all) and probably a little messy.

Guide Note:
Mark your calendars for early August each year to see the sights and sounds and tastes of the Tomato Art Fest.